Census

I'm afraid that I need your help.

You see a few weeks ago I had a relative of ours come and join us in our home as they had recently been laid off. A sad consequence of the current economic condition but a pleasant turn of events for me as I now had a captive audience for all of my inane babble. Well aside from my wife and children who often wander around my house looking as though they are on thorazine as I happily chatter away but I digress.

As we all know it is census time. I can tell it is census time because the birds are singing away happily in our bushes, the days are growing warmer and sunnier, and, oh yes, Uncle Sam has been reminding me by radio, television, mail, and telepathy that we had better turn in the darn form or they are sending the FBI to count the number of people in our house! And so not wanting to disappoint Uncle Sam, surprise surprise, we set about filling out the paper work.

By in large life was good but of course the government never makes anything simple so when it came time to fill out the number of people in our home we needed to enter in how many people would be living here as of April 1st. Apparently Uncle Sam feels that since he has gone through all the bother of learning telepathy in order to remind us to fill out the census it should be no problem for us to learn how to prophecy in order to make sure our paperwork is accurate.

Alas I have never been terribly gifted in the mystical arts and so I simply counted heads... wife, myself, two children, relative equals five people in house. Done. And so we sealed up the census and sent it on its merry way the very next day which was March 21st. Two days before my guest had an interview with a local company. Too his great fortune and my joy and disappointment they liked him so much that they offered him a job on the spot. And so, not being one to sit about when there is work to be done, he promptly went out and arranged living accommodations for himself. He will be moving out on March 25th.

And there in lies my dilemma. I need another family member to be a resident in my home prior to April 1st or I am certain that Uncle Sam will hear about it and come knocking on my door. Probably just my luck he'll figure it out a month late and if the IRS is any example of how the census works I will at that point be required to produce the original relative as a resident and two more relatives as residents in interest to make up for my offense. Now one relative I can handle but my house would get a bit cramped with three.

It is for this reason that I come to you. I have decided that it is time to swallow my pride and begin to take applications. Anyone wishing to join my family and take up residence at my home is welcome provided they can move in post haste and are willing to stay until at least April 2nd. The evacuation date will of course be subject to the approval of Misses Lumpy.